Here’s a snip from a discussion I started on a public message board (over 1,300 members now!). In my post, I had asked for advice on hiring a mother’s helper - how much to pay, what responsibilities should be include, etc.

This was one reply to my question:

I have never used a mothers helper. I would never allow another female into my home around my dh and dc. Unless it was a family member. And there are some family members that I would not trust. I have seen too many movies and heard about too many real life situations about how these things turn out. I try to handle all things related to the dc myself. That is my job since dh works outside the home.

It may be a little hard to get everything done sometimes, but it is better than worrying about if someone else is treating my dc right. I have seen situations where the dc end up liking the mothers helper better than their own mother. No, I could not do it. I would not even trust a teen girl because there is so much going on nowadays and adults being accused of things.

I think my household would go much smoother without letting someone else interfere.

Below is my response. I hope that it will encourage others to think about taking risks vs. potentially isolating themselves from ministry opportunities because of a possible outcome.

(Please feel free to leave a comment as to how you have either grown in the area of reaching beyond your comfort zone or how the Lord has helped you overcome a temptation!)

Dear ——–,

Respectfully, statistically 40% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members. The only family members who are available to watch my children during the day are teenage boys. As much as I love them, and am in no way implying that they are perverted, I don’t feel comfortable with them caring for my baby girls because I know that some of them are at an age where they are very curious about the female body and it could be a temptation to peek. I love them so much I would not want to tempt them in this way.*

Honestly, It was hard for me to read your post. I thought it was kinda hurtful. “I would never” is an absolute statement and could imply that your way is the only way and that those who do otherwise are inferior. Your post also seemed to imply that it was shameful for a wife to seek help in order to keep up with her role-specific job.

When my husband is overseas for weeks on end and I do not have a break, I admittedly fall behind sometimes. In this situation, it seems like I can address the urgent chores and not the deep cleaning stuff. Yet, because of his travel, if I waited until he was home, I would perpetually never get the “deep cleaning” done.

During these time, I do need fellow Christians to encourage me in the Lord and walk along side of me. In the past, I have appreciated when friends have allowed me to borrow their dear Christian daughters to lend a hand with children so I can clean out the linen closet or give an extra effort to scrubbing the grout in the tub without worrying if my children are getting into trouble while I work. I don’t live in a one-roomed house - I can’t physically see them all the time! My 5 children are each about 14 months apart, and are not quite old enough to be self-governed if I need to concentrate on something for an extended period of time. Please consider that having extra help for children keeps them from being tempted to sin just because mommy isn’t looking.

I’m really am happy for you that you are able to manage to take care of “all things related to the dc and myself.” Praise God that he has given you this ability!

Please also consider that there are Christian sisters out there who may be suffering with migraines or physical problems, such as myself, or maybe are under a particular amount of stress - like not seeing their husband for over 40 days! - who could really benefit from your housekeeping and responsibility balancing expertise. I do hope that if you have that opportunity that you will do it with a servants heart, humble, loving and for God’s glory.

May I also suggest that scripture tells us that fellowship with other Christians is a necessary part of our Christian walk. Having a young woman in the home provides fellowship and an opportunity to mentor her, encourage her in the Lord, showing her first hand what a joy it is to be a mommy (how many GOOD examples do teenage girls have these days about motherhood? They are told, “don’t get married or have kids - you’ll never achieve YOUR CAREER!”). We must be careful not to become prideful in our faith and think that we don’t need to allow other Christians to use their gifts and talents on our turf.

It is hard to overcome fears of people interfering or fears of the things “going on nowadays and adults being accused of things.” However, our trust is in the Lord and we must realize that, to effectively minister to people, we are going to have to take risks. Think of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife. Joseph was falsely accused, but we know that IT WAS PART OF GOD’S PLAN for Joseph to minister to Pharaoh. If it hadn’t been for being falsely accused, Joseph would have never been in the position to help his family avoid starvation.

All throughout scripture, we see people stepping outside of their comfort zone and taking risks. Think of the ultimate example we have in Christ. Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners, after all. That was pretty risky! When the Pharisees talked down to Jesus and chastised him for this appearance of evil, Jesus said, “it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick!” What should this tell us about interacting with others? When I read this passage, it gives me courage.

Much love,
SJA

*I would say that we do have to be careful not to purposefully place ourselves or others in a tempting situation.

It probably wouldn’t be smart to leave a teenage girl home alone with a man as a “father’s helper”. And, we must think realistically here, if a woman struggled with lusting after teenage girls it probably wouldn’t be wise for her to hire a young girl as a helper, either. In these exceptions, dropping the children off at a trusted as-needed-daycare provider may be a better solution.

On the other hand, I have hired young men for lawn care when my husband was traveling and I was pregnant and physically unable to do the work. Sometimes there is no avoiding situations like this. Or, more recently, I had to hire someone to fix my boiler. Guess what? Heating and air condition repairs are jobs normally done by men. It’s not like I could say, “I’m sorry, I only let women into my house”. It was 18 degrees out and I needed my boiler fixed!

Wise women know how to deal with other people and treat them in a respectful and platonic way. I did NOT answer the door in a towel, nor did I speak of obscene activities. Duh.

I also made sure that my husband knew the repair company I called and the time the repairman would be at the house. I called my husband as soon as he left - not just to relay the cost of the bill, but to let him know that all went well and that he didn’t have to be concerned about me.

Who knows, maybe a woman reading this is sexually tempted by the repairman. Perhaps she could ask a trusted friend to visit for coffee during that time and keep her accountable so that she wouldn’t be alone.

God never places us in a tempting situation where we are FORCED to sin. He promises we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear. Part of this process is seeking wisdom from God, and thinking of God-honoring solutions to get us through.

Deuteronomy 8:2 “You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.”

I Corinthians 6:18-19; I Corinthians 6:23-24 “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” vs. 23-24 “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.”

I Corinthians 10:12-13 “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

…or he’ll getcha!

Not one of my children, but definitely sounds like ‘em.

I wish we knew this little girl - my children would love playing Star Wars with her

Thomas : “Hey mom - do you want to hear a construction joke?”
Me: “Okay.”
Thomas: “I’m not ready yet - I’m still working on it.”

Baddum bum bum

This is my recent post on The Homeschool Lounge on the “Scheduling” forum:

I just wanted to say up front that I’m a reluctant scheduler.

Basically, when you have 5 kiddies and they’re all a year apart, and your youngest is a one year old, YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. (And no, I no longer nurse the baby - she has TEETH! My baby sleeps through the night! It’s the older kids who have nightmares, night terrors , who wake me up and say “MOM! I peed the bed again! I used the last extra sheet last night and forgot to tell you!”)

My husband travels for work (overseas, weeks at a time) and it got to the point where I was going absolutely bonkers. I wanted to be more of a free spirit but I was falling so far behind that it wasn’t, well, FREEING.

Ladies, I’m shouting it from the rooftops: There is NO POINT of scheduling and there is not point of being “anti-schedule” if it’s NOT WORKING FOR YOU.

If you find that you’re micromanaging everything and the kids are sneaking play out of necessity for THEIR sanity - you HAVE to let up a little bit! Too much scheduling stifles the imagination. If you are finding that you can’t get your responsibilities done and you are escaping, not to your bucket of Duplo blocks but perhaps to the Internet or telephone to avoid work, you might need to crack down a little and make some priorities.

Not only does the schedule help my husband to connect with what we were up to, I can plan ahead a little when my brain is somewhat awake and this helps me compensate for the times when I can’t see straight. I don’t have to think about, “what lesson are we doing in math today?” because I already have it written down. OR, if we have a diaper explosion in the middle of the day, I don’t have children staring at me saying, “Mommy, I’m done reading - now what do I do?” (My response being, “GET AWAY FROM ME, I’ve got your baby sister hanging over the bathtub at the moment!”)

Scheduling , instead of robbing me of my freedom, has actually given me freedom: less to think about, so more time to enjoy the day.

It’s not about being a control freak - I’m not!

It’s not about trying to be perfect - I’m definitely not!

It’s about finding little ways to keep you and the children motivated and moving throughout the day.

It’s about being efficient with your work - not encouraging staring off into space and “I can’t help with dinner - I’m only on problem #5!” conversation (which happens to my one sweet princess if she doesn’t have a time limit) - so that you can have the reward of playtime without worrying about the interruption of having to finish school work when your neighborhood friends get off the bus and want to play.

BTW, efficiency with housework and schoolwork gives mommies more playtime, too. Who wouldn’t’ want to snuggle up with hubby instead of staying up until midnight doing dishes by hand? I certainly don’t - hehe - but I do, more often than not.

IF you are in a perpetual state of frazzled - humble yourself and be honest here! -, be it from too much planning ahead or not enough planning ahead, it’s hard to focus on glorifying God. Our goal isn’t to fit into a niche on a forum, our goal is to life lives as women, mommies, wives and homeschool teachers who glorify God in all that we do.

No matter how you decide to keep your day - because I think we can all agree that keeping home is part of our responsibility - remember to be at peace with one another as you compare methods.<--- must read this article!!

Let this forum be a place of encouragement, no matter where we are in our day planner or checklist.

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

In our recent snow, I abandoned dinner responsibility (ok, I threw some chicken in the oven but didn’t create the all-out-delicious meal I had planned) and PLAYED IN THE SNOW.

We built seven snowmen, one for each member of our family

This occurred while the babies napped - it would have been difficult otherwise.

I just want to encourage all moms to take time to play with your kids.

They’re not going to remember if you had white wine sauce with five different herbs on their chicken vs. just butter and salt in five years, but they are going to remember the late afternoon when mommy put on her snow pants and they built seven snowmen together.

I think I had just as much fun as they did!

MY thought is this: No amount of microdermabrasion is going to keep your heart feeling young.

(Tabitha (left) age five, Thomas (at top) age 6, Aiden (right) age 4 and ME (center) - having a blast and eternally thankful for the gift of children after being told I’d never have any. Looking forward to when Micah and Leah can appreciate the snow!)

This from Mom’s of Grace:

I have a problem that could use guidance and counsel on. My mother-in-law likes to call on a frequent basis. Actually she calls me everyday and no fewer than 3 times a day. On Monday of this week, she called a total of 5 times (and those are just the times that I answered the phone). On a side note, I live on the east coast and my mom on the west coast and I don’t even talk to her everyday. We talk once every week to week and a half or longer if one of us has something going on. I am a stay at home mommy with a a 3,2 and 4 month old so you can imagine how hectic and busy my day is. I know that she’s not lonely because she is married and my husband’s 18 year old brother and 12 year old sister are still living at home. I’ve tried dropping hints about how busy my day is but still nothing; I’ve gotten to the point of screening my calls using my answering machine (she called a total of 15 times yesterday - No I didn’t pick up any of the calls) but I’m starting to feel like a prisoner in my own phone. My husband is no help, he thinks its funny and encourages me to just let the phone ring and not pick it up. I know that I have to say something because I just don’t have the strength or energy to maintain this type of relationship and she is also starting to make comments on the fact that she has been trying all day to get in contact with me. Sorry for being long winded but I wanted to give all of the facts. Any advice you all can give will be welcomed. Thanks

Big hugs to you! I’m a mommy of 5 little ones (close in age like yours!) and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Conversations with children need to be more than, “QUIET! I’m on the phone!”

This is a difficult situation because you love your MIL very much and don’t want to hurt her feelings!

You must talk to her about this lest it become a point of bitterness.

Here are some suggestions for talking points:

1. Assure her of your love. “Mom I love you so much! I appreciate that you talk to me. I know that there are many mothers and mothers in law who do not talk to their children. I am so thankful to have you in my life, and I am very thankful for our relationship.”

2. Address the problem with kindness and diplomacy. Recently, I have been convicted about trying to be more diligent about how I use my time during the day. I believe I have been spending too much time on the phone - and I’m not just talking about talking to you, but with others as well. I noticed that it’s taking a toll on my getting my housework done, and also with my parenting.

3. Ask for teamwork. “Mom, weaning myself from the phone is kinda like a diet or a lifestyle change for me - can you please be sensitive to this while I try to make the change to apply myself a little better to the tasks that God has given me throughout the day?”

4. Answer her when she needs you. “Please know that you still can call me any time! If I am available to talk, I will answer the phone! If I am in the middle of something, I am going to start letting my answering machine get it so I can get my work done . I will call you as soon as I am available to talk. If there is something that needs me immediate, please note that on the message or call my cell phone. ALSO, you are always welcome to send me as MANY emails you want!! That way, I can respond to them when I have some down time.”

5. Appreciate her understanding. “THANK YOU, mom, for being understanding and an ENCOURAGEMENT to me as I really do need to improve in this area!!!”

BTW, here is the message I have on my machine, which is a kind way to let people know that I’m screening my calls -
http://www.sarahjoyalbrecht.com/2007/08/24/a-ringing-phone-has-to-be-answered/

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

Here’s my chat with Tom today:

Sarah: btw, aiden just puked.
Sarah: he was running while eating carrots
Lovey Love Love: every message from you is an adventure
Sarah: and he swallowed a baby carrot whole and started to choke
Sarah: so I grabbed him and put his head over the trash
Sarah: lots of throwing up
Lovey Love Love: yay!
Sarah: and finally, the large carrot lodged in his throat popped out
Sarah: he hadn’t even chewed it
Sarah: no bite marks at all
Lovey Love Love: it was in his throat, though… he wasn’t choking
Lovey Love Love: right?
Sarah: I guess you’re right
Sarah: it was stuck in his throat
Sarah: not windpipe

So what is it called? I need to find out.

In the end, Tabitha enjoyed reading the first part of Meet Kaya and excitedly described the book to her father over dinner last night.

But it was quite a different story yesterday afternoon when Tab declared in her Monster Voice, “I’m going to go live at Aunt Diana’s. This house is WORSER than I thought. I’m going to have a step mother and step father: Diana and Steve,” upon being asked to finish her reading assignment.

Aunt Diana’s response, which I loved:

——– Original Message ——–
Mon Jan 14 15:18:30 2008
From: Steve&Diana
Subject: Re: Tab’s threat

Tell her I’m terrible and would give her TWO reading assignments and have her clean her room!

Love you guys!

Diana ( a.k.a. “Meanest mommy ever” - Ian around age 4)

This exchange provided an opportunity to talk about making threats and saying words to intentionally hurt someone, and the importance of being diligent in our school work. We must strive to glorify God in do all things, including our attitudes, speech and work ethic.

(From my inner monologue) Fine. Maybe I should complain a little less about washing dishes. And, while I’m at it, maybe I should stop waiting until every single dish we own is piled up in the sink before I begin. There, I said it.

We were out of commercially made Play Dough so we made our own:

* 1 cup flour
* 1 cup boiling water
* 2 teaspoons cream of tartar
* 1 1/2 teaspoon oil
* 1/4 cup salt
* assorted food colors

In a stand mixer with a sturdy paddle attachment, mix together the dry ingredients. Then, add boiling water and oil. (You can add a few drops of essential oil at this step, if you wanted to make it smell nice. I added vanilla oil). Mix until until smooth.

If you want to make the dough all one color, add the food coloring.

If you want to create multiple colors, remove dough from mixing bowl. Roll into a log and divide the dough into lumps according to the number of colors you want to make. To avoid getting your hands stained, put each lump into the mixing bowl along with the food coloring. Mix till color is thoroughly worked through the lump of dough.

Place in plastic bag or airtight container when cooled. Will last for a long time.

If you need to mix colors to achieve new colors, here’s a color mixing wheel to help. My children enjoyed watching this step and it was a memorable, tactile lesson on colors.

Let’s just say that there are some toddler-created poop messes that, when you see them, you just know that there is NO WAY to clean them up without getting said fecal matter on your hands… and maybe your favorite jeans.

Today I am thankful for sweet-smelling, deep cleaning hand soap, Arm & Hammer HE laundry soap, and my faithful GE Frontloading washing machine - which is certainly the best tool for the job.

Oh yes, and I’m thankful for my stinky little guy… but I sure hope that he tries a little harder to hit the potty next time! And, if the poor fellow doesn’t, that he’ll remember to call me from the bathroom instead of freaking out and tracking his mess across the oriental rug, down the steps, all the way to the dining room. This way, perhaps the other children won’t have to step in it as they try to be (read fight over) the first to inform me about the event.

I think it’s time to go back and read the “poop mess” referencing, “If You Give a Mom A Cookie”, which is, coincidentally, located in my links

By the way, I did find a remedy for ‘potty talk’ : Make the offending kid HELP with the cleaning the poop mess. They truly just don’t understand the meaning of the words coming out of their mouths without this experience. And, upon the threat of having to clean up the next poop mess - because there will always be a next time - it does cause them to think twice before joking about poop. Oh yeah, and if you’re lucky, they’ll tell the other kids about their horrible experience and suddenly the poop-jokes will disappear… for a little while at least. No worries, though. So long as there are little ones in the house, there will always be the looming threat of “next time”.