My father once told me that people are like pendulums. If they are even-keeled, they will swing a little to the left and a little to the right. They more passionate and exuberant they “swing”, the pendulum swings back equally as angry/depressed.

My daughter is a perfect example of the latter. She is way hyper-cheerful OR dramatically crying into her pillow or making death threats towards her brothers.

This afternoon, out of the blue, Tab was a WRECK. She was crying because she no longer liked the black-lace overlay on her bright pink “princess” (fancy Easter dress way on sale, couldn’t pass it up for dress up!) dress. In the middle of talking about that, she said she was hungry. She was ANGRY (stomping, yelling) because I ate the last piece of spaghetti pie (in all fairness, we split it for lunch and she ate the larger of the portions). So, I prepared a glass of chocolate milk for her. Still mad that I had eaten what was my lunch, she pouted, cried and refused to say “thank you”. I gently talked to her about having anger and discontentment in her heart. (She does understand these things… little twerp constantly points out these characteristics when she sees them in others… and then we talk about grace, mercy and overlooking!) She agreed but would not confess them to God.

I sent her to her room for a nap and prayed that the Holy Spirit would work in her heart.

She did not sleep, but she went from sobbing (and not getting attention for it) to contemplating.

Thirty minutes later, she came down a new little girl and said she was ready to talk to God. We prayed and she readily sought the Lord’s forgiveness. She asked for the milk, and said thank you. A free Highlights Hidden Picture puzzle with stickers came in the mail today. I let her do that for fun.

To avoid exasperating her, and creating a situation where she is overwhelmed and tempted to sin, I do try to keep her fed (she is strong, and sturdily built), hydrated and rested the best I can. I try to avoid exasperating her with school work, as she is five years old and does 2nd grade work - very bright! This is not to say that I walk on eggshells with her, it’s just that she tends to be more sensitive to physical discomfort than some of my other children.

I do think I handled it okay today (goal of seeking forgiveness and changed attitude was achieved), but I’m wondering if there are specific things I can do to more head off such mood attacks before they get out of hand?

Any particular soothing or thought provoking phrases that would diffuse a tense situation?

Any encouragement for me from moms who have been through this? Particularly, how to keep the trust/confidence/friendship as a little girl with this personality hits adolescence?

And yes, I do believe in using the rod as outlined in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.

Thank you for taking the time to respond!!

If I can ever be of encouragement to you, please let me know!

Much love,
SJA

In our recent snow, I abandoned dinner responsibility (ok, I threw some chicken in the oven but didn’t create the all-out-delicious meal I had planned) and PLAYED IN THE SNOW.

We built seven snowmen, one for each member of our family

This occurred while the babies napped - it would have been difficult otherwise.

I just want to encourage all moms to take time to play with your kids.

They’re not going to remember if you had white wine sauce with five different herbs on their chicken vs. just butter and salt in five years, but they are going to remember the late afternoon when mommy put on her snow pants and they built seven snowmen together.

I think I had just as much fun as they did!

MY thought is this: No amount of microdermabrasion is going to keep your heart feeling young.

(Tabitha (left) age five, Thomas (at top) age 6, Aiden (right) age 4 and ME (center) - having a blast and eternally thankful for the gift of children after being told I’d never have any. Looking forward to when Micah and Leah can appreciate the snow!)

This from Mom’s of Grace:

I have a problem that could use guidance and counsel on. My mother-in-law likes to call on a frequent basis. Actually she calls me everyday and no fewer than 3 times a day. On Monday of this week, she called a total of 5 times (and those are just the times that I answered the phone). On a side note, I live on the east coast and my mom on the west coast and I don’t even talk to her everyday. We talk once every week to week and a half or longer if one of us has something going on. I am a stay at home mommy with a a 3,2 and 4 month old so you can imagine how hectic and busy my day is. I know that she’s not lonely because she is married and my husband’s 18 year old brother and 12 year old sister are still living at home. I’ve tried dropping hints about how busy my day is but still nothing; I’ve gotten to the point of screening my calls using my answering machine (she called a total of 15 times yesterday - No I didn’t pick up any of the calls) but I’m starting to feel like a prisoner in my own phone. My husband is no help, he thinks its funny and encourages me to just let the phone ring and not pick it up. I know that I have to say something because I just don’t have the strength or energy to maintain this type of relationship and she is also starting to make comments on the fact that she has been trying all day to get in contact with me. Sorry for being long winded but I wanted to give all of the facts. Any advice you all can give will be welcomed. Thanks

Big hugs to you! I’m a mommy of 5 little ones (close in age like yours!) and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Conversations with children need to be more than, “QUIET! I’m on the phone!”

This is a difficult situation because you love your MIL very much and don’t want to hurt her feelings!

You must talk to her about this lest it become a point of bitterness.

Here are some suggestions for talking points:

1. Assure her of your love. “Mom I love you so much! I appreciate that you talk to me. I know that there are many mothers and mothers in law who do not talk to their children. I am so thankful to have you in my life, and I am very thankful for our relationship.”

2. Address the problem with kindness and diplomacy. Recently, I have been convicted about trying to be more diligent about how I use my time during the day. I believe I have been spending too much time on the phone - and I’m not just talking about talking to you, but with others as well. I noticed that it’s taking a toll on my getting my housework done, and also with my parenting.

3. Ask for teamwork. “Mom, weaning myself from the phone is kinda like a diet or a lifestyle change for me - can you please be sensitive to this while I try to make the change to apply myself a little better to the tasks that God has given me throughout the day?”

4. Answer her when she needs you. “Please know that you still can call me any time! If I am available to talk, I will answer the phone! If I am in the middle of something, I am going to start letting my answering machine get it so I can get my work done . I will call you as soon as I am available to talk. If there is something that needs me immediate, please note that on the message or call my cell phone. ALSO, you are always welcome to send me as MANY emails you want!! That way, I can respond to them when I have some down time.”

5. Appreciate her understanding. “THANK YOU, mom, for being understanding and an ENCOURAGEMENT to me as I really do need to improve in this area!!!”

BTW, here is the message I have on my machine, which is a kind way to let people know that I’m screening my calls -
http://www.sarahjoyalbrecht.com/2007/08/24/a-ringing-phone-has-to-be-answered/

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

It’s very easy to fall into a “me” focused relationship with God, seeing God as as some form of genie or Santa Claus. Many times when we don’t get the “gift” or “wish” that we wanted, our relationship with God tends to deteriorate - what horrible creatures we are! Instead of thinking of what we want from God, let’s start thanking God for what He has already so freely given to us.

I read this at the “Especially Heather” blog :

Heather is a mom who is part of the Moms of Grace community who, in the past year, found out and then has been treated for brain cancer. One of her children, Emma Grace, has had a myriad of medical difficulties and is currently on the wait list for her (second?) heart transplant. Needless to say, Heather and her family have been through three or four life-times worth of hardships - yet they are strong Christians and are still praising God in the midst of these trials.

What a beautiful example of faith! I am eternally thankful that they are blogging and sharing their ups and downs through the lens of scripture with the rest of the world.

Coming from this family, the following is especially meaningful:

DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done.

I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now.

I am thanking you because I am alive.

I am thanking you because I made it through the day’s difficulties.

I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.

I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.

I’m thanking YOU, God…You haven’t given up on me.

This is a response to a recent comment left on an earlier post:

I do hope you reached out to your friend and gave her the gift that spoke to you..

There is truth in many things, and not just in one religion.

Jesus walked among the masses and did not judge them. He gave unconditional love and acceptance. Do this for your friend and you will both be blessed!

God and Goddess Bless you.
karen

Hello Karen!

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I am very glad to know that my readership is diverse, and I am thankful that you felt comfortable enough to comment.

I do agree with you that there is truth in many things. In religions other than Christianity, certainly there are people who practice self-sacrificing behavior of being kind to others, albeit with different motivations.

It is very hypocritical when Christians abuse the environment instead of caring for it, when they flaunt Christianity as a means to obtain political power, when they have hot tempers and pick fights, when they harm animals, when they abuse other people both spiritually and physically.. and the list could go on.

Yet, Jesus came to sacrifice himself as payment for these horrible sins. The Bible is clear these things are sinful - but the Bible also offers hope through Christ instead of condemnation. There can be forgiveness of these sin-debts against God because they have been paid for by Christ.

I appreciate your bringing up Christ, who did walk among the masses as you said. He dined with “tax collectors and sinners” (Mark 2), people who were outcasts in society.

How many Christians today would go into a bar and strike up a conversation with society’s outcasts?

Not many, but I know some! And, I certainly have friends from all walks of life. This love for people comes from a heart dedicated to God. It comes from recognizing how much we have been forgiven and not thinking of ourselves as better than others. It can be frightening to talk to people who have made themselves to look unfriendly - but as the Bible says in 1 John 4, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”

You are right that Jesus did not judge people in the sense of avoiding them or publicly shaming them.

I am reminded of one such story, found in John 8, of a woman who was about to be stoned by the Pharisees for adultery, whom Jesus rescued. Jesus simply saying to the Pharisees, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

But, the story does not stop there.

When the Pharisees dropped their stones and stepped away, Jesus said “Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?” And she said, “No man, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”

Go and sin no more does imply a judgment of sorts - he did not say that her adultery was acceptable.

There are many similar stories in the Bible (including the aforementioned one in Mark 2), but in all of them, Jesus offers something better, and it involves repenting of sin and following Him.

My concern is many Wiccan teachings are in opposition to Christianity. It’s not that there wouldn’t be truth and insight in a Wiccan gardening book, but I would consider it blasphemous to promote a book that pointedly undermines the premise that God is the creator of the plants, water, weather systems.. of the whole universe (Genesis 1; Job 38:4; Isaiah 42:5; Isaiah 45:18; Revelation 4:11 - and I would add Romans 1:18-32, which specifically speaks of consequences for those who do not acknowledge God as Creator and Lord.).

That’s why I think that a book about gardening, without the Wiccan-specific teachings, would still make a great gift for a Wiccan friend.

There are some fantastic, breath-taking pictorial books of beautiful gardens, which upon viewing, certainly stir my soul. A book like this would affirm the friendship - because that’s what the gift symbolizes: understanding a friend’s love for gardening, and doing something that would bring joy to the friend.

As you said, there is truth in many things and I think there is a way to show love to a Wiccan without compromising the Christian friend’s faith. Besides, if the Wiccan friend truly loves her Christian friend, she would not want the Christian friend to have a hurt conscience over a gift.

Again, thanks for reading my blog and I hope to have dialog with you in the future.

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

This time of year, everyone is giving gifts. Someone posted this good question to the Moms of Grace list. My reply is below.

I exchange Christmas gifts every year with an old friend who has recently become Wiccan. (Yes, she still celebrates Christmas.) So here’s my question: would you purchase something that includes her religion, or, as a Christian, would you avoid it? Specifically, I found a book about gardening online that I think she’d love– my objection to the book is that it talks about “connecting with the garden goddess”, and it is listed on Amazon as a Wiccan book. I’m having a hard time deciding… I don’t support her Wiccan beliefs, yet, I feel like this book is totally “her” and would be a great gift.

What would you do?

First, I’m really proud of you for continuing to have a friend even though she has become a Wiccan. So many Christians run away when people make sinful decisions - everything from having a baby out of wedlock, getting involved with an addiction, having an affair, etc. It is in these times that we need to reach out even more to our friends. The way of the sinner is hard, and guess who has the light?

Second, I’m proud of you that you are not only still talking to her, but still loving her.. thinking of the things that she enjoys.

That being said, I’d avoid encouraging her in her worship of a false gods. It doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to purchase a Christian book on gardening with Bible verses all over it, but I would not intentionally give her a book that send mixed messages. It’s very hard not to compromise, but I would consider verses like

Revelations 3:15-16 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

Matthew 5: 9-20 “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

We need to be careful not to send mixed signals. What does the fruit look like? Everything we do has “fruit” so to speak. What is the fruit of giving something that promotes Wicca? Be careful to only present her with Truth.

1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

Also, I think that the fact that you are questioning whether or not it would be right to give your friend this gift is proof that your conscience is telling you something. Even if no one here could think of a reason why you shouldn’t give her the gift, if your conscience is causing you to have doubts, listen to it! Don’t sin against it.

Romans 14:13-14 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this–not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

There have to be other great gifts out there for your friend! I’m a gardener and I can’t wait to do worm composting - in my basement! Here’s a book I’m looking forward to reading: Worms Eat My Garbage

I think Christians have misperceptions of Wicca and Wiccans have misperceptions of Christians. It may be good to study what she believes - even asking her to loan you a book or two that has influenced her, so you at least know where she is coming from.

Two common misperceptions I hear from Wiccans is that Christianity is degrading to women, and the second is that they do not care about the earth and the environment. It might be true that individual Christians error in these ways, but the Bible is very clear on these issues. Think of ways to talk with her instead of past her.

As you look for ways to dialog with your friend, knowing that she has a heart for caring for the earth - a gardener- you might consider studying what the Bible says about the earth and how we are to be stewards of the earth.

I will be praying for you as you reach out to your friend!

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

I had a longer post written and then silly me - I walked away from the computer to change a diaper! Then someone closed “mommy’s side” (my login) and all was lost…

In the Excellent Wife, Chapter Two addresses how our perception of God changes the way that we relate to him. I wanted to dig a little deeper and make this more personal so we can really apply this foundational chapter to our lives.

I came across this very interesting Time Magazine poll and article. Even this secular magazine notes that the way we see God has an affect on how we view politics.

Here’s the poll: “How We View God”

And the related article “Behind America’s Different Perceptions of God”

The categories from the poll are : Authoritarian God, Benevolent God, Critical God, Distant God

My question to my pals - how do YOU view God?

Think about a recent crisis. How did you respond?
(more…)

Below is an excerpt from a reply to a post I made at Moms of Grace in our online Excellent Wife study.

As we study traits of an excellent wife, based on Proverbs 31, I think the tendency is to justify why we don’t have to apply some of the things on the list - writing them off to cultural differences or to them being archaic.

Here’s some reflection on Proverbs 31:15 :
(more…)

One of my posts from the Excellent Wife study at Mom’s of Grace:

My husband has off from work this week.

We don’t have any huge plans - saw Transformers, went to a picnic, bought a much-needed second car (little car for travel to work - LOW GAS MILEAGE), and we’re going to Hershey Park this weekend.

But… while he’s home, I’m trying to think of little ways to be a blessing to him. He enjoys drinking really cold water (and he’s trying to drink more water these days). I know it’s such a little thing, but while he’s just hanging out around the house here, I have been bringing him a glass of cold water a few times a day.

I’m also working on shorter putting-the-kids-to-bed time (can take up to an hour sometimes) so that I have more time with my husband at the end of the day. We sat out on the porch last night and watched people launching illegal fireworks all around the city between houses that are veeerrry close together. “Woah… I wonder who’s roof that one landed on…” The police, at one point, seemed to be driving around looking for people launching the larger fireworks, but then the patrolling stopped as the fireworks activity picked up around 11pm and I think they just gave up because there were so many of fireworks. It was interesting to watch - our house is up on a hill and we have a decent view.

I hope that you, too, will be able to find simple ways to show your husband you are thinking of him.

Holiday times, when husbands may have off from work, can turn into real disasters if they are filled with arguments, criticism, and spitefulness when things don’t happen they way we (read *I*… because I’m definitely talking about myself here!) want them to.

I have to stop myself from bringing up the to-do list…

(more…)

Yay! I’m soooo excited!!! And, I hope that YOU feel that way too about learning about what the Bible says about being an “excellent wife”, a phrase borrowed from Proverbs 31:10.

(And you know what? You do NOT have to be a wife or even a woman to benefit from reading and studying Proverbs 31. Many of these attributes have to do with being Godly in general. It’s the idea behind my studying about what makes for a Godly pastor, or husband: I will never be these things! But because I love God and His Word, my heart’s desire is to have an understanding of what God says about every topic under the sun.)

One fantastic tool for exploring the practical implications of the godly wife mentioned in Proverbs 31 is a book called The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. (Note: Chapter titles at the end of this post - I know it’s a long post, but please keep reading! ) A few years ago, I participated in a group study using this book. Although the principles in the book were familiar, the study motivated me to really examine my heart for areas of weakness, to humbly discipline myself to be more aligned to what God wanted for my life.
(more…)