This is from The Homeschool Lounge:

Some of you may have some experience with this, and (while that hurts me to think you’ve lived with it) I need a little help from those who have had some real success!

For those who have had a child who could fire up and respond in anger quickly, I’d love to know more about some of the Godly responses and tools that helped you through it.

Please consider this is a boy about the age of 7. He can become easily frustrated, and it builds rapidly. Sometimes we don’t see it coming, and even when we do, I often say or do the wrong thing.

Help?

Thanks in advance!

Hugs to you, Jennifer!

After experiencing similar anger/tattling/conflict/fighting problems, I decided to incorporate The Young Peacemaker into our day by doing a page or two each morning for our devotional segment of school.

Studying the topic of peacemaking preemptively, instead of only talking about it when there is an anger outburst, has made a huge difference in the atmosphere of our home by reducing the number of kid-conflicts. Reducing, not erasing! We still have at few each day! But, because the foundation has been laid, they are easier to work through than before.

My seven, five, four, and three year old are doing a fantastic job of memorizing the verses for each chapter (we do about a chapter a week).

If you put good things in your heart, good things will come out of your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

There is even a resource page dedicated to using The Young Peacemaker as part of homeschooling.

I hope this helps. I certainly have learned a lot from doing The Young Peacemaker with my kids - and I’m a moderator at PeaceGals.com! It certainly gave me a new perspective when training my children vs. talking to adults about the same topic!

Much love,
SJA

The Young Peacemaker is a powerful system that parents and teachers can use to teach children how to prevent and resolve conflict in a constructive and biblically faithful manner.

The system emphasizes principles of confession, forgiveness, communication, and character development, and uses realistic stories, practical applications, role plays, and stimulating activities.

Although the material is designed for 3rd through 7th grades, it has been successfully used with preschool and high school students.

The lessons in The Young Peacemaker may be summarized in Twelve Key Principles for Young Peacemakers:

1. Conflict is a slippery slope.
2. Conflict starts in the heart.
3. Choices have consequences.
4. Wise-way choices are better than my-way choices.
5. The blame game makes conflict worse.
6. Conflict is an opportunity.
7. The Five A’s can resolve conflict.
8. Forgiveness is a choice.
9. It is never too late to start doing what’s right.
10. Think before you speak.
11. Respectful communication is more likely to be heard.
12. A respectful appeal can prevent conflict.

The Slippery Slope

The Young Peacemaker uses a simplified version of the Slippery Slope to help children understand the various responses to conflict.

The slope is divided into three zones:

The Five A’s of Confession

Children, like adults, can learn to confess their wrongs in a way that demonstrates that they are taking full responsibility for their contribution to a conflict.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Children can learn to forgive one another in a way that models the forgiveness they have received from God through the gospel of Jesus Christ:

These promises may be summarized in a poem that is so easy a four-year old can memorize it:

It’s very easy to fall into a “me” focused relationship with God, seeing God as as some form of genie or Santa Claus. Many times when we don’t get the “gift” or “wish” that we wanted, our relationship with God tends to deteriorate - what horrible creatures we are! Instead of thinking of what we want from God, let’s start thanking God for what He has already so freely given to us.

I read this at the “Especially Heather” blog :

Heather is a mom who is part of the Moms of Grace community who, in the past year, found out and then has been treated for brain cancer. One of her children, Emma Grace, has had a myriad of medical difficulties and is currently on the wait list for her (second?) heart transplant. Needless to say, Heather and her family have been through three or four life-times worth of hardships - yet they are strong Christians and are still praising God in the midst of these trials.

What a beautiful example of faith! I am eternally thankful that they are blogging and sharing their ups and downs through the lens of scripture with the rest of the world.

Coming from this family, the following is especially meaningful:

DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done.

I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now.

I am thanking you because I am alive.

I am thanking you because I made it through the day’s difficulties.

I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.

I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better.

I’m thanking YOU, God…You haven’t given up on me.

You will never have peace in your relationships as long as you are trying to be in control of them.

Happy New Year!

It’s hard to believe it’s January 1, 2008. But, here we are!

We had a wonderful New Years Eve with my in-laws and husband’s siblings and their friends. We ate Jambalaya and stayed up quite late to watch stunt man Robbie Maddison set a record by jumping a football field on a motorcycle. There was so much anticipation for a few seconds of a man blurring through the air. It was fun and my boys, especially, loved it. Whenever I have to cover my eyes when my four year old climbs trees, I am reminded that Evil Knievel had a mother, too.

Last night, we added all of the important birthdays and anniversaries to our new Audubon bird calendar. My children looked to see where their birthdays were located on the unmarked pages.

Looking at the calendar, with so many blank boxes that will surely fill up quickly, caused me to think about the past year - loved ones that have died (I put the anniversaries of their deaths on the calendar, as well as their birthdays and wedding anniversaries), the kids various milestones, our month long trip to Japan…. what a great year! And yet, at the beginning of the year, I had no idea that God had so much in store for our family!

So, it is with eagerness that I am looking forward to the year ahead. As I put away my calendar and was reflecting on these thoughts, humbled by how the Lord has worked in our lives in the past year, it was pressed upon my heart how HARD it is sometimes to have a fresh start in life. It’s not always as easy as putting a new calendar on the wall. Broken relationships do take time to mend. Sometimes when we have sinned, we have consequences to pay - they’re not over instantaneously. If we have done something that has hurt someone, there is a regaining of trust that sometimes takes place. Job situations are no different - it’s pretty rare and unheard of to just leave your job and go to a new one all within one day… there are interviewing processes, two week notices, training the person filling your shoes… all of these life changes take TIME. Fresh starts are often a progression of the ‘ducks being in a row’ so to speak.

BUT… even though all of these fresh starts, which can even be admirable and worth hanging in there over, aren’t instantaneous, there IS one LIFE-CHANGING fresh start that happens INSTANTANEOUSLY:

Placing our trust and belief in the Lord Jesus Christ.

There is no waiting period for a fresh start with the Creator of the universe. It’s as simple as confessing our sinfulness, seeking God’s forgiveness, acknowledging with thanksgiving that Jesus paid for our sins on the cross, and striving to study and obey God’s Word.

Perhaps there are Christians out there who need a fresh start.

For example, it’s easy to get into a groove where our relationship with God is as scheduled as our family calendar. When we find ourselves going through the motions of church attendance and “being spiritual” when its convenient, it’s easy to rationalize away or turn a blind eye to those in need: “Someone else will take care of them, my plate is too full” or “I know I need to seek so-and-so’s forgiveness, but she contributed to the situation and I’ll wait until SHE says something first.” We serve God with our minds and our bodies, but not with our heart and soul. The root is that we pridefully want to be in control of our lives, and even our relationship with God, and we are afraid to turn the reigns over to God. What if we turn control over to God and He gives us something we can’t handle or puts someone who is a nuisance in our life? What if He calls us to face our worst fear?

Or, perhaps there is great hurt that is in the way of a relationship with God. Sometimes the things of this earth seem so big that God seems distant. We are consumed by our hurt, to the point of even cherishing it and holding it up as an idol. I know this sounds harsh! It’s not meant to be - but I do know what it’s like to focus on a problem and trying to solve it ourselves or bear the hurt or burden of it ourselves, instead of focusing on God and trusting in Him for our comfort or for the things that our out of our hands.

A fresh start in these situation would be seeking God’s forgiveness for doing things our way, or stubbornly holding onto hurt and trying to hold it all together on our own strength, pridefully refusing to admit that our burdens really our too big for us to bear alone.

When we seek God’s forgiveness, He grants it to us instantaneously.

I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

There is no waiting period to receive God’s forgiveness - Christ has already done the work on the cross for us, thousands of years ago. All we have to do is admit our sinfulness, lay it at the cross with thanksgiving, repent of our sin, and place the reigns in God’s hands.

If it sounds similar to salvation, that’s because it is! Although we don’t have to keep getting saved every time we sin, we must constantly be going back to the cross in all that we do. Our salvation is constantly being worked out in our lives - this is called sanctification.

As you look to the year ahead, pause for a minute and check to make sure your heart is right before God. Confess your sins and sinful attitudes - we all have them! The Bible says that if we say we’re without sin, we’re liars! Then, humbly dedicate 2008 to the Lord. Thank Him for being a God who does care about the details of our lives. Bask in the awesomeness of His power. Ask for Him to guide your path in the coming year. Say, “Lord, I am your servant. Please give me help me to be a good steward of the time you have given me. Please open my eyes to opportunities to serve you and help me to grow closer to you.”

Right there with all of you - reflecting, confessing, rededicating,
With much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

This is today’s Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional. Wow. So simple, so profound. If you want to read it from it’s original source, click here.

Fellowship Without Forgiveness: Impossible
by Jon Walker

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

Fellowship without forgiveness is impossible.

As believers, we’re called “to settle our relationships with each other.” (2 Corinthians 5:18 MSG) We need to consistently forgive others and receive forgiveness from others, or we’ll “give up in despair.” (2 Corinthians 2:7 CEV)

Whenever we’re hurt by someone, we have a choice to make: Will we focus on retaliation or resolution?

The Bible speaks candidly about settling the score: “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.” (1 Thessalonians 5:15 NIV)

In God’s economy, it’s not enough to say we won’t seek revenge; we’re to press into the very heart of forgiveness, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave us. (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)

The Bible is very clear that forgiveness is not optional for the Christ-follower. God sets this high standard because he knows how much is at stake in your life: Bitterness and unforgiveness are a cancer that eventually will destroy you from the inside out. Forgiveness is the scalpel that removes the tumor.

This doesn’t mean you’ll always be able to immediately forgive and be done with it. As you become more and more Christ-like, that will become possible, but for now you may have to work at forgiving someone who has hurt you in a particularly painful way. In other words, you may forgive this person but soon begin to feel a root of unforgiveness growing in your heart.

When this occurs, you can go to King Jesus and ask him to help you with this cycle. He will help you release the offender, and the Holy Spirit will guide you in your effort.

A major point here is that forgiveness is a choice you can make. The power of God, working within you, means you no longer have to remain a slave to unforgiveness or bitterness.

In Colossians, the Apostle Paul provides the basis and motivation for forgiveness: “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13 NLT). When we remember the price Jesus paid to forgive us, how can we not forgive? (Romans 5:8)

What now?

When you forgive, you’re not pretending it didn’t hurt – Forgiveness means you no longer hold the offense against the offender. It means you’ve pardoned the debt, and you’ve intentionally chosen to release the one who hurt you. We’re to love deeply, because “love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8 NIV)

Stop right now and talk to God – Have an honest conversation with God about someone you need to forgive. Our heavenly Father knows that it’s not easy to let go of our hurts, but he will give you the grace to forgive.

Be honest with God – Cry out to God; tell him exactly how you feel. He won’t be surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or bitterness.

If you feel like you are despairing, my parting thought is this: “Is there someone I need to seek forgiveness from or someone I need to forgive?” I love the part in the devotional that reminds us that God “won’t be surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or bitterness.”

Many times we avoid pouring our heart out to God by praying little one-line prayers that redirect attention away from our own hearts or only scratch the surface. When we do this, we are only giving lip-service to God - we are not placing our full trust in Him. This is a symptom of pride in our hearts - thinking we can do a better job than God. It is only when we humbly place our trust in God’s power, acknowledging that we cannot forgive or seek forgiveness by our own strength, that we can unreservedly pour out our hearts (to God AND to those with whom we are in conflict!) and get to the root.

We don’t have to be afraid to tell God what we have done or how hurt we are - He already knows. He LOVES us and will give us the strength to seek forgiveness and forgive others. We can boldly seek forgiveness from others because our eternal debt has been paid through Christ’s sacrifice in our place - this takes the impossible weight off of the restoration process. We must forgive others and be restored to them because we have been forgiven an eternal debt and restored to God the Father through Christ’s sacrifice.

By the way, here’s a perspective-changing article on the difference between seeking mercy and seeking grace.

And, for further information on how to be at peace with others, check out the resources at Peacemaker Ministries.

A friend recently wrote that she was having trouble trusting God. This was my response:

“Rather than trying to muster up feelings of trust by your own strength, how about taking time to get to know Him better? The book Behold Your God by Myrna Alexander may be a good one to pick up again.

Also, just go back and read the account of Christ in the gospel. Don’t try to sort it all out at once. Just “camp out” on the thought that God loved us so much that He sacrificed His Son - who NEVER sinned - in our place as payment for our sin.

How often do we stop and play out what salvation looks like in a way that we, people living in the year 2007, can relate to?

Imagine you are sitting at home enjoying a delicious meal with an old friend. As you are talking, the familiarity is so great, it is as though he can read your very soul. You love him deeply and never wish to be separated from him. Your friend is kind and good. For as long as you can remember, he has never wronged you - or anyone else, for that matter - in any way.

Suddenly, you hear a loud crash in the adjacent room.

Before you even make sense of what is going on, a special military force enters your home. They move quickly and with skill. With guns drawn, they stand in front of you. The moment you see them, you know they have come for you.
(more…)

…what do I do?

Recently, someone asked me this question. Her husband’s hours at work changed and he was home less. With some of his free time, he had chosen to play softball for the summer instead of spend this time with her and her family.

I thought I’d post my reply and a few added thoughts here. I think this scenario is one that many of us wives face.

Wanting our husbands home to spend time with us and our family IS an admirable goal. The problem is when we elevate this request to the level of a demand and it becomes an idol of our hearts.

It’s easy to react with spite and withhold love, make ultimatums, spitefully fill up OUR free time, run our husbands down (or take sarcastic jabs at how he spends his free time/down time or to run down his employer). As Christians wives, we know that husbands are the heads of the households - so we sometimes even go the “extra mile” in negativity to be critical of how his job/free time choices are sinful because, after all, he’s not leading the family like he should be.

Ladies, I write these examples of a complaining, critical wife so well because I HAVE DONE THEM ALL. And, I have had to seek forgiveness for all of them, too. Many of you know that my husband travels frequently - sometimes for weeks at a time. Many of you also know that I have small children at home - so it would seem that I have a “right” to complain or behave this way. NOT SO.

Does this mean that we can’t talk to our husbands about our concerns?
(more…)

When I read about this story in the news, I felt like writing a letter to this parent! Tedd Tripp (author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart), of course, did a much better job than I could have ever done. As this is a current news story, it may be a good talking point in sharing the gospel with friends who are parents and/or a person who struggles with anger (don’t we all!). This is quoted as a note from Tripp published online at Shepherd Press and it is entitled, “The “When” vs. “Why” of Anger”:

Many of us have heard the telephone message left recently by a celebrity dad for his eleven year old daughter. If you have, you no doubt felt a deep sense of sadness that a child would be verbally abused by her father. For my part, I wish I had never heard the message. It wasn’t my business and the fact that millions have heard it can only increase the shame and humiliation of this eleven year old victim.

(more…)