What a brilliant sketch. I found myself both laughing and cringing at the remarkable character portrayals at the same time.

Way to go, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, for beating Palin and Clinton to the performance - so that it ever did happen in real life, the address on sexism would underscore Oscar Wilde’s famous quote all the more.

One of my new favorite blogs to read is the Art of Manliness.

Two great posts I’d highly recommend reading are:

14 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage The post is thorough, thoughtful, and well-written. I appreciated the reminder regarding sexual tension in mixed company - not to “rationalize it away.”

and

Write A Love Letter Like A Soldier (Dude! Her name was Sarah!)

(Still have all the letters Tom wrote to me before we were married….)

Happy reading

Yes, I’m kicking and screaming. Yes, it does feel like my teeth are being pulled out - and I can tell you what that feels like both literally and figuratively!

God is putting little beacons of light in my path. Admittedly, they are hard to use because my frustration and anger are great and my walls are very high at the moment. My soul feels like my body does when I’m growling through my 30th (girl-style) push-up. One foot in front of other other, numbly, feeling like stopping, yet trusting that the ground will not collapse underneath me.

I’m praying that the Lord will keep working in my heart, and I am begging Him not give up on me.

This was sent to me from my mother-in-law< - check out her new blog!):
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Daily devotions for 06-21-2008:

Title: How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do
Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Book: A Lamp For My Feet

Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy.
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On Sunday (15 minutes late to church, but we made it in time for the sermon!), Rev. Dr. Don Stone was our guest pastor and he gave an exposition on Romans 6. From the sermon, this quote made it to my feeble notes: “There are no shortcuts in the cultivation of character.”

This is from the Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood (See my links!)

What Should Be the Husband’s Role in Marriage
by Dennis Rainey

There is a story of a man who died and went to heaven to find two signs above two different lines. One sign said: “ALL THOSE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity.

The second sign read: “ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” Underneath the sign stood one man.

He went over to the man, grabbed his arm and said, “What’s the secret, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and you are the only one standing in this line.”

The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, “Why, I am not sure I know. My wife just told me to stand here.”

We have all heard jokes about “who wears the pants in the family.” Yet, leadership in the home is no laughing matter. During the last few decades our culture has redefined the meaning and responsibilities of man and woman in society and in the home. Many men are confused and insecure. Many do not know how to act in the home. Growing up, they lacked a good model for leadership at home and have no mental picture of what it means to lead a family. Consequently, they do not lead effectively, or they do not even try. Increasingly, many men are becoming passive in the home. They’ve decided that the easiest thing to do is nothing. The simplest thing-with the smallest risk-is to stay on the fence with both feet firmly planted in mid-air and let the wife do it. When a man is married to a strong wife who will take over, he often lets her do just that.

Fortunately, there is an answer. The Scriptures clearly give us the model for being a man, a husband and father. I call that model the “servant/leader.”

I hope that the concepts I share will help you understand the biblical role of a husband more clearly than ever before. When correctly interpreted and applied, these concepts not only result in freedom for the husband and wife, but also help you work better as a team to combat isolation and conflict in your marriage.

BIBLICAL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE HUSBAND

Responsibility #1: Be a leader

The Scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage. Following are a couple of typical Scriptures:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:3

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. Ephesians 5:22-30

In his commentary on Ephesians, William Hendriksen points out that God “…placed ultimate responsibility with respect to the household on the shoulders of the husband . . . The Lord has assigned the wife the duty of obeying her husband yet . . . this obedience must be a voluntary submission on her part, and that only to her own husband, not to every man.”

“Head” does not mean male dominance, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and command. God never viewed women as second-class citizens. His Word clearly states that we are all equally His children and are of equal value and worth before Him. As Galatians 3:28 tells us, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

The teaching of the New Testament clearly shows that women are to be respected, revered, and treated as equals with men. Unfortunately, many husbands have not gotten the message. They degrade their wives by neglect or with insensitive and abusive treatment. One cause of the feminist movement may have been that men abandoned God’s design. When God presented Eve to Adam in the Garden, Adam received her as a gift of great value to God and him. When husbands, particularly Christian husbands, do not treat their wives as a precious gift from God and helpmate, they can cause those wives to search for a way to find significance and value as persons, often outside God’s will.

Are you a leader? Men who are “natural” leaders have no trouble answering the question, yes. They know how to take over, control, guide, and get things done. Some men are not strong or natural leaders. How can they lead in the home?

Paul says the same to everyone. God has placed the husband in the position of responsibility. It does not matter what kind of personality a man may have. Your wife may be resisting you, fighting you, and spurning your attempts to lead, but it makes no difference. I believe our wives want us and need us to lead. You are not demanding this position; on the contrary, God placed you there. You will not lead her perfectly, but you must care for you wife and family by serving them with perseverance.

Scripture does more than assign leadership in a marriage to the husband, however. Those same passages you just read also provide a model for that leadership. The Apostle Paul says that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. “This comparison of the husband with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his wife’s “head.” Hendriksen writes, “He is her head as being vitally interested in her welfare. He is her protector. His pattern is Christ Who, as head of the Church, is its Savior!”

Let’s look more closely at two responsibilities that flow out of proper leadership.

Responsibility #2: Love your wife unconditionally.

Ephesians 5:25 reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God’s gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be sure her emotional tank is full. One of the best ways to do that is to affirm her constantly. Let her know verbally that you value her, respect her, and love her. I have discovered that I simply cannot do that enough.

There is no question that words communicate love, but so do actions. You need to do both. As the Apostle John wrote in one of his letters: “let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18). One of the missing ingredients in male leadership in homes is sacrificial action. When was the last time you gave up something for your wife-something you genuinely valued, like your golf game, a fishing trip, or your hobby? Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy so your wife can have a break and see your love for her.

Responsibility #3: Serve your wife.

According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife’s top three needs are right now? If she is a young mother, she has a certain set of basic needs. If your children are grown and gone and you are in the empty nest, your wife has a different set of needs that you should try to meet. What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to questions like that, and then do what you can to reduce her worries, her troubles, her pressures.

What do you know about your wife’s hopes and dreams? I bet she has plenty-do you know what they are? Are you cultivating her gifts? If she has a knack for decorating, do you help her develop that?

Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her. This provision first involves assuming responsibility for meeting the material needs of the family. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Providing for your wife also means taking the initiative in helping meet her spiritual needs. You do this by modeling godly character, by praying with her, by spending time together in God’s Word, and by looking for ways to encourage her spiritually.

To be a leader, a lover, and a servant is to accommodate your life to the life of the gift God has given you-your wife. Give up your life for hers and, at the Judgment Seat of Christ, He will say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”

What can I say? I miss my Tom.

When the wisps of a neighbor’s cigar, combined in the spring breeze with the lilac blossoms and freshly cut grass (because everyone was restfully mowing their lawns) reached my nose this Sunday afternoon, it made my heart just ache for my husband.

Rearranging Tom’s cigar collection backfired as a “fix”. After carefully examining the cigars for several minutes, I caved. I needed more. I couldn’t resist lighting one up and smoking it for myself.

I chose a Macanudo Gold Label, as it had the mildest scent and because it was smallest in my husband’s humidor. My guess is that it was just a little over five inches in length. (While my hands are not dainty, they are characteristically petite.)

Even without much to compare it to, as this was only the second cigar I’ve ever had in my life, I know this was a good cigar. It burned evenly and slowly. The feel of the wrapper was smooth to the touch. Part of me wanted to almost take a bite out of it, it’s texture was so pleasing to my tongue. It’s golden color was naturally beautiful.

The flavor was soothing. Mouthwateringly classic, even. Perfectly woodsy with a spicy undertone, yet somehow sweet like the pleasant scent of distant flowers in a quiet forest. Present, but not overpowering. If it wasn’t so late in the day, I would have gladly shared my palate with a cup of black coffee. I think the contrast of the coffee would have made the tobacco taste even sweeter.

As I smoked, the fragrance evoked warm memories of sitting on the front porch with Tom - what I was truly craving, even more than the smell or taste of a cigar. For this, there is no such thing as a satisfying “fix”.

When Tom called me tonight, he mentioned something about having some wine with dinner. Wine isn’t something Tom usually orders. Between my cigar and his wine - swapping each other’s vices at the same time unaware - I’d like to think we got to share a moment together this evening after all.

BTW: A slightly altered version of this blog entry can be found here.

This is the most delicious ice cream I’ve ever tasted.

Buy some.
Eat some.
Share some.

Serve a generous scoop in the middle of a cold, over-sized plate, perhaps garnished with a sprig of mint. Eat it slowly and deliberately, cutting through the cream with your spoon, just one bite ahead of its melting.

There is something romantic about this flavor - sweet, subtly delicate, like a slow and lippy passionate kiss that leaves you wanting more.

Get a babysitter, and take your sweetheart out after dinner to chase the sunset together. Bring a pint of honey ice cream, two spoons, a full tank of gas and some back roads, and see where the experience takes you.

From the Häagen-Dazs website:

Rich, sumptuous waves of cream mingle with evocative glimpses of tropical honey. The rare and delicate texture of the Lehua honey is entirely different from any honey you’ve ever tasted.

Lehua honey comes from the remote volcanic slopes of Mauna Loa on the Big Island of Hawaii. There, honeybees gather nectar from the Ohia tree’s fragrant Lehua blossoms. These beautiful red flowers are the unique flavor source for this rare, amber honey.

I’m reading the Husband-Coached Childbirth for my Teacher Training Class. (Lots of homework due, so little time!)

The book is excellent for anyone who is preparing to give birth or who has an interest in the topic of natural birth.

Here’s a memorable quote from chapter 7, “The Coach’s Training Rules”:

“Parents come in pairs. If you think the only task you have as a parent is to get your wife pregnant, you’re going to be like the farmer who thinks all there is to farming is planting seeds. You will harvest only the weeds of resentment to your passivity. You are poorly prepared for parenthood and have yet to recognize your responsibilities….

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but don’t kid yourself, the hand that rocks the cradle still rules the world, and always will. Motherly women and fatherly men acting as wholesome symbols of strength and righteousness in a family setting of mutual love and respect continue to be essential to progress in any civilization.

The reaction your wife has to her pregnancy and the birth of your child will reflect on the relationship between mother and child forever after. Will she look upon childbearing as a horrifying ordeal that ruined her figure and seared her soul? … Or, will she joyfully share with you even the little nuisances involved and thank you for getting her pregnant and bless her God for the privilege of being a woman and of giving birth?…

You are going to live with this woman “until death do us part.” How rich, full and meaningful that life will be is very much dependent upon your ability as a participant in parenthood. This does not exclude but takes precedence over the golf games, pool hall, poker game, CD player, computer, etc. Lets get on with it.”

(Preach it, brother!)

This Psalm is one of my favorites. I go back to it often and apply it to many situations and aspects of life.

Today, I am thinking especially of verse 16, as two family friends are struggling to live and as there is an online friend whose sister in Brazil just caught a potentially fatal virus from a mosquito bite and is not doing well.

How comforting it is to remember, especially when those whom we love are ill, that it is the Lord who determines the length of one’s days and not the doctors.

Something to think about - how does remembering this affect the way that we respond when someone is ill? Personally? To the person whom is sick? To those whom we are comforting?

Psalm 139

1O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
3You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
12Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
13For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
19O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
24And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

This is from The Homeschool Lounge:

Some of you may have some experience with this, and (while that hurts me to think you’ve lived with it) I need a little help from those who have had some real success!

For those who have had a child who could fire up and respond in anger quickly, I’d love to know more about some of the Godly responses and tools that helped you through it.

Please consider this is a boy about the age of 7. He can become easily frustrated, and it builds rapidly. Sometimes we don’t see it coming, and even when we do, I often say or do the wrong thing.

Help?

Thanks in advance!

Hugs to you, Jennifer!

After experiencing similar anger/tattling/conflict/fighting problems, I decided to incorporate The Young Peacemaker into our day by doing a page or two each morning for our devotional segment of school.

Studying the topic of peacemaking preemptively, instead of only talking about it when there is an anger outburst, has made a huge difference in the atmosphere of our home by reducing the number of kid-conflicts. Reducing, not erasing! We still have at few each day! But, because the foundation has been laid, they are easier to work through than before.

My seven, five, four, and three year old are doing a fantastic job of memorizing the verses for each chapter (we do about a chapter a week).

If you put good things in your heart, good things will come out of your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

There is even a resource page dedicated to using The Young Peacemaker as part of homeschooling.

I hope this helps. I certainly have learned a lot from doing The Young Peacemaker with my kids - and I’m a moderator at PeaceGals.com! It certainly gave me a new perspective when training my children vs. talking to adults about the same topic!

Much love,
SJA

The Young Peacemaker is a powerful system that parents and teachers can use to teach children how to prevent and resolve conflict in a constructive and biblically faithful manner.

The system emphasizes principles of confession, forgiveness, communication, and character development, and uses realistic stories, practical applications, role plays, and stimulating activities.

Although the material is designed for 3rd through 7th grades, it has been successfully used with preschool and high school students.

The lessons in The Young Peacemaker may be summarized in Twelve Key Principles for Young Peacemakers:

1. Conflict is a slippery slope.
2. Conflict starts in the heart.
3. Choices have consequences.
4. Wise-way choices are better than my-way choices.
5. The blame game makes conflict worse.
6. Conflict is an opportunity.
7. The Five A’s can resolve conflict.
8. Forgiveness is a choice.
9. It is never too late to start doing what’s right.
10. Think before you speak.
11. Respectful communication is more likely to be heard.
12. A respectful appeal can prevent conflict.

The Slippery Slope

The Young Peacemaker uses a simplified version of the Slippery Slope to help children understand the various responses to conflict.

The slope is divided into three zones:

The Five A’s of Confession

Children, like adults, can learn to confess their wrongs in a way that demonstrates that they are taking full responsibility for their contribution to a conflict.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Children can learn to forgive one another in a way that models the forgiveness they have received from God through the gospel of Jesus Christ:

These promises may be summarized in a poem that is so easy a four-year old can memorize it:

Tara Barthel introduced me to this song on her blog.

Musically, the song is a little bland to my ears (Of course, when reading my opinion, you must consider that my favorite genre is classic rock).

However, lyrically the song is culturally relevant and thought provoking.

As I watched and listened, I was reminded of something I often take for granted: how scary it is to live without Christ.

Christ is the Prince of Peace. Without Christ, there is no true peace. Peace is not something that can be something manufactured by following rules of tolerance or political correctness. These things only mask hurt, worry, rage and feelings of loneliness within.

Trying to live without Christ is like moving through life with a migraine headache. Every sound, ever movement is painfully magnified.

This goes for both non-Christians and for Christians who refuse to humble themselves before God and view him as Lord of their life.

To this end, I appreciated how New Law mentioned communion. Churches are oftentimes more concerned about the tolerance of aberration, and set the example of disregarding scripture by leading people in this way, than they are about offending God by changing the way they serve the Eucharist. When we are fully submitting to God, we don’t have to rationalize our actions or look for the loopholes. Wine means wine.

How tiresome it is to try justify ourselves to God. How tiresome it is to take on the attributes of God. How tiresome it is to try to earn our salvation or to “be saved” on our own terms. If this is the attitude that characterizes our lives, how can we really say we’re saved? Saved means saved. If we could do it on our own, we wouldn’t need saving.

The Bible says in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

When we trust in God, we no longer have to be “bossed around by our fear.”(< -- link to a practical application of this thought)

1 John 4:17-19 "By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us."