One of my new favorite blogs to read is the Art of Manliness.

Two great posts I’d highly recommend reading are:

14 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage The post is thorough, thoughtful, and well-written. I appreciated the reminder regarding sexual tension in mixed company - not to “rationalize it away.”

and

Write A Love Letter Like A Soldier (Dude! Her name was Sarah!)

(Still have all the letters Tom wrote to me before we were married….)

Happy reading

Yes, I’m kicking and screaming. Yes, it does feel like my teeth are being pulled out - and I can tell you what that feels like both literally and figuratively!

God is putting little beacons of light in my path. Admittedly, they are hard to use because my frustration and anger are great and my walls are very high at the moment. My soul feels like my body does when I’m growling through my 30th (girl-style) push-up. One foot in front of other other, numbly, feeling like stopping, yet trusting that the ground will not collapse underneath me.

I’m praying that the Lord will keep working in my heart, and I am begging Him not give up on me.

This was sent to me from my mother-in-law< - check out her new blog!):
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Daily devotions for 06-21-2008:

Title: How to Do the Job You Don't Really Want To Do
Author: Elisabeth Elliot
Book: A Lamp For My Feet

Certain aspects of the job the Lord has given me to do are very easy to postpone. I make excuses, find other things that take precedence, and, when I finally get down to business to do it, it is not always with much grace. A new perspective has helped me recently:

The job has been given to me to do.
Therefore it is a gift.
Therefore it is a privilege.
Therefore it is an offering I may make to God.
Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him.
Therefore it is the route to sanctity.

Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. The discipline of this job is, in fact, the chisel God has chosen to shape me with--into the image of Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for the work You have assigned me. I take it as your gift; I offer it back to you. With your help I will do it gladly, faithfully, and I will trust You to make me holy.
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On Sunday (15 minutes late to church, but we made it in time for the sermon!), Rev. Dr. Don Stone was our guest pastor and he gave an exposition on Romans 6. From the sermon, this quote made it to my feeble notes: “There are no shortcuts in the cultivation of character.”

Today was the first time I was able to get some serious house cleaning done since Tom left. Our floors were so dirty that if one walked across them barefoot, their feet would be blackened by the time they got from one side of the house to the other. My friend’s daughter Anne-Marie came over and helped me with the children while I scrubbed the floors and cleaned bathroom. How nice it was to not be interrupted every other minute, and what peace of mind to know that no one was peeing on our neighbors flowers or smearing peanut butter all over the walls while my attention was focused elsewhere! What a sweet young woman, too. She played with the children, read to them, and even befriended Leah enough that Leah allowed Anne-Marie to carry her around.

Clean floors are good for the soles

This is from the Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood (See my links!)

What Should Be the Husband’s Role in Marriage
by Dennis Rainey

There is a story of a man who died and went to heaven to find two signs above two different lines. One sign said: “ALL THOSE MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” That line of men seemed to stretch off through the clouds into infinity.

The second sign read: “ALL THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN DOMINATED BY THEIR WIVES, STAND HERE.” Underneath the sign stood one man.

He went over to the man, grabbed his arm and said, “What’s the secret, how did you do it? That other line has millions of men and you are the only one standing in this line.”

The man looked around with a puzzled expression and said, “Why, I am not sure I know. My wife just told me to stand here.”

We have all heard jokes about “who wears the pants in the family.” Yet, leadership in the home is no laughing matter. During the last few decades our culture has redefined the meaning and responsibilities of man and woman in society and in the home. Many men are confused and insecure. Many do not know how to act in the home. Growing up, they lacked a good model for leadership at home and have no mental picture of what it means to lead a family. Consequently, they do not lead effectively, or they do not even try. Increasingly, many men are becoming passive in the home. They’ve decided that the easiest thing to do is nothing. The simplest thing-with the smallest risk-is to stay on the fence with both feet firmly planted in mid-air and let the wife do it. When a man is married to a strong wife who will take over, he often lets her do just that.

Fortunately, there is an answer. The Scriptures clearly give us the model for being a man, a husband and father. I call that model the “servant/leader.”

I hope that the concepts I share will help you understand the biblical role of a husband more clearly than ever before. When correctly interpreted and applied, these concepts not only result in freedom for the husband and wife, but also help you work better as a team to combat isolation and conflict in your marriage.

BIBLICAL RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE HUSBAND

Responsibility #1: Be a leader

The Scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage. Following are a couple of typical Scriptures:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:3

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. Ephesians 5:22-30

In his commentary on Ephesians, William Hendriksen points out that God “…placed ultimate responsibility with respect to the household on the shoulders of the husband . . . The Lord has assigned the wife the duty of obeying her husband yet . . . this obedience must be a voluntary submission on her part, and that only to her own husband, not to every man.”

“Head” does not mean male dominance, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and command. God never viewed women as second-class citizens. His Word clearly states that we are all equally His children and are of equal value and worth before Him. As Galatians 3:28 tells us, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

The teaching of the New Testament clearly shows that women are to be respected, revered, and treated as equals with men. Unfortunately, many husbands have not gotten the message. They degrade their wives by neglect or with insensitive and abusive treatment. One cause of the feminist movement may have been that men abandoned God’s design. When God presented Eve to Adam in the Garden, Adam received her as a gift of great value to God and him. When husbands, particularly Christian husbands, do not treat their wives as a precious gift from God and helpmate, they can cause those wives to search for a way to find significance and value as persons, often outside God’s will.

Are you a leader? Men who are “natural” leaders have no trouble answering the question, yes. They know how to take over, control, guide, and get things done. Some men are not strong or natural leaders. How can they lead in the home?

Paul says the same to everyone. God has placed the husband in the position of responsibility. It does not matter what kind of personality a man may have. Your wife may be resisting you, fighting you, and spurning your attempts to lead, but it makes no difference. I believe our wives want us and need us to lead. You are not demanding this position; on the contrary, God placed you there. You will not lead her perfectly, but you must care for you wife and family by serving them with perseverance.

Scripture does more than assign leadership in a marriage to the husband, however. Those same passages you just read also provide a model for that leadership. The Apostle Paul says that the husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church. “This comparison of the husband with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his wife’s “head.” Hendriksen writes, “He is her head as being vitally interested in her welfare. He is her protector. His pattern is Christ Who, as head of the Church, is its Savior!”

Let’s look more closely at two responsibilities that flow out of proper leadership.

Responsibility #2: Love your wife unconditionally.

Ephesians 5:25 reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God’s gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally, always be sure her emotional tank is full. One of the best ways to do that is to affirm her constantly. Let her know verbally that you value her, respect her, and love her. I have discovered that I simply cannot do that enough.

There is no question that words communicate love, but so do actions. You need to do both. As the Apostle John wrote in one of his letters: “let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18). One of the missing ingredients in male leadership in homes is sacrificial action. When was the last time you gave up something for your wife-something you genuinely valued, like your golf game, a fishing trip, or your hobby? Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy so your wife can have a break and see your love for her.

Responsibility #3: Serve your wife.

According to the New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master, but her servant. Again, Christ is our model for this type of leadership. Jesus did not just talk about serving; He demonstrated it when he washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17). Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness (Philippians 2:7).

One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them. Do you know what your wife’s top three needs are right now? If she is a young mother, she has a certain set of basic needs. If your children are grown and gone and you are in the empty nest, your wife has a different set of needs that you should try to meet. What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to questions like that, and then do what you can to reduce her worries, her troubles, her pressures.

What do you know about your wife’s hopes and dreams? I bet she has plenty-do you know what they are? Are you cultivating her gifts? If she has a knack for decorating, do you help her develop that?

Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her. This provision first involves assuming responsibility for meeting the material needs of the family. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Providing for your wife also means taking the initiative in helping meet her spiritual needs. You do this by modeling godly character, by praying with her, by spending time together in God’s Word, and by looking for ways to encourage her spiritually.

To be a leader, a lover, and a servant is to accommodate your life to the life of the gift God has given you-your wife. Give up your life for hers and, at the Judgment Seat of Christ, He will say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”

Yesterday, just 30 minutes after Tabitha fell 6 feet from a tree onto her belly, Aiden came ran into the house and was screaming, “A squirrel bit me!”

He said, “I was staring at the squirrel, and he was staring at me.”

Apparently, squirrels don’t like to be stared down.

Moments after hanging up with the pediatrician, concluding that Tabitha would be okay without medical intervention, I called them right back to say we’d be bringing in Aiden!

The squirrel walked over and brushed its tail against Aiden’s leg, he said. Aiden picked up his foot to back away. The squirrel “was very strong” and bit the bottom of Aiden’s bare foot. Aiden apparently punched the squirrel in the face, and the squirrel scampered back to the tree. (I didn’t find out this detail until I was putting Aiden into bed later that night, and he said, “Did you find the squirrel mom? I punched it so hard that I think I killed it!”)

There was a little bit of blood on the bottom of Aiden’s foot, and a small puncture, a tad smaller than a pencil eraser. I poured rubbing alcohol over it, and then scrubbed it with a alcohol-doused paper towel.

Tom called in from the airport - he was coming home from being overseas - just as we were leaving to go to the pediatrician.

Grandma Becky met us at the pediatrician’s to sit with the other kids in the lobby while I took Aiden to the exam room.

Dr. John evaluated the wound and then looked up information about animal bites and rabies. The “Red Book” said to contact the local health department to assess the risk for the biting animal to see if there were cases of rabies being reported for that species. However, the Chester County Health Department was closed for the evening, and without enough information to make a decision as for what to do next, yet still within the 24 hours needed to immunize Aiden if necessary, we were sent home.

That evening, I called our pastor and asked him to please pray that Tom and I would have wisdom as we made decisions regarding Aiden’s health.

Pastor Strawbridge recommended that we call a fellow member of the congregation, Dr. Knepley who is the State Veterinarian for Pennsylvania, to help us have a broader perspective of the situation in order to make a more informed decision.

Knepley handles over 400 cases of animal rabies each year. When I described the behavior of the squirrel, he said that it was actually “normal behavior” for a squirrel who felt threatened - a warning bite. A rabid squirrel, however, would have to be pried off it’s victim as it would have continued the fight, quite viciously.

Squirrels rarely are rabid. Their treetop habitat is somewhat isolated from other animals and they are on a different sleep schedule than nocturnal animals that typically carry rabies, such as raccoons and skunks.

While Chester County notoriously led the nation for the number of confirmed rabies cases in 1988 and continues to have a significantly elevated number of rabies cases in comparison to other parts of the world, there has only been one known case of a squirrel having rabies in all of Pennsylvania - seven years ago. According to Knepley, a man was attacked while raking his yard. The squirrel was so relentless in its attack that neighbors had to pull the squirrel off of the poor guy. This is the characteristic behavior of a rabid squirrel - not one who backs down at the punch of a four year old.

Knepley also said that rabies was a “fragile virus” and that soap and water would likely kill it - but I practically “pickled” any germs on Aiden’s foot, even ones from seven days ago, by putting cleaning it with rubbing alcohol.

The Chester County Health Department returned our pediatrician’s call the next day. They that they had no cases of rabid squirrels to report. Dr. John said it seemed unlikely that the squirrel had rabies and she left the decision up to us saying if we chose the rabies vaccinations, that would be okay with her, too.

There have only been a few cases of people surviving rabies, said Knepley. All but one resulted in the person being reduced to a vegetative state. The least effected survivor, a little girl, had loss of some motor skills, but miraculously was otherwise was unscathed. She had been administered the vaccine just before the onset of the rabies symptoms. It was not soon enough to prevent the virus. At the first signs of rabies, she was put into a medically induced coma to prevent convulsions - and with rabies, I’ve read that people can die from the convulsions alone.

Rabies doesn’t always show up right away, either. Here’s a story of a man from the 1908 NY Times who was barely scratched by the tooth of a rabid puppy, and didn’t show signs of having rabies until nine months later, just before he died of the virus.

The decision isn’t one we took lightly. I begged God for wisdom, as this situation certainly is out of my league. Three experts - the Health Department, The official State Veterinarian of Pennsylvania and our Pediatrician - gave the same, clear answer: “We are leaving the decision up to you, but if it were my child, I would not immunize them with this scenario.” (The pain and side effects from the shot are apparently not something one would wish on another human being - although I have heard that an entire family in our church had to be vaccinated because a rabid bat was found in their home, and I have not asked how they tolerated the vaccine.)

And so, I am praying that the decision to not immunize Aiden - because alcohol was applied to the wound immediately, because it is extremely rare that squirrels carry rabies, and because the behavior of the squirrel was “normal” for a squirrel who felt threatened - was the right one.

We are praying that if there is a rabid squirrel in our neighborhood, that it would show up - as sick animals are quite noticeable to discerning humans - and that we would know in time to immunize Aiden if necessary.

While I’m mostly hopeful, I am admittedly still a little frightened. Death from rabies is unspeakably horrific.

As bizarre as this story may seem, I wasn’t surprised that it happened to my curious son. He is quite daring, with no sense of danger whatsoever. When he was little, we nicknamed him “Danger Mouse”. I love him very much.

Last night, my brave husband decided to teach me to drive a *standard transmission using his nice shiny black Mazda 3.

(Honestly, I much prefer a motorcycle. The gear-shifting pattern is more intuitive to me.)

While I didn’t cause any traffic accidents, I did have a few moments where I felt like I wasn’t sure what to do next - how to choose the correct gear from neutral when coasting around a corner, for example.

I also stalled at a green light. Behind me was a silver car whose driver was communicating their lack of patience by revving the engine. I started the car and made a second attempt. As I was getting ready to take off, I noticed in the rear view that car was trying to go around me - and there wasn’t much room for this. It made me nervous. I pulled my foot off the clutch too fast and stalled the car again.

My husband calmly reached up and turned the rear view mirror so that I couldn’t see the car behind me. I was able to start the car and take off. Once we got going, he straightened the mirror.

As I was crossing through the intersection, the driver behind me decided that I was too slow in the takeoff and he gunned his engine and zoomed around me before the nose of my car passed under the light. Given that there was on-coming traffic and I would have been stuck in the middle if someone would have hit him as they blindly came over the crest of the hill, it was a little frightening.

This morning, as I was thinking about this incident - which happened in the span of a minute or less! - it underscored for me how difficult it is to focus on the task at hand when we are concerned about people who are watching. Fear of man is quite a stumbling block!

Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Proverbs 29:24-26
He who is a partner with a thief hates his own life;
He hears the oath but tells nothing.
The fear of man brings a snare,
But he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.
Many seek the ruler’s favor,
But justice for man comes from the LORD.

Galatians 1:10
For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.

*The first time I attempted to drive a standard transmission was my Dad’s boxy white Chevy Blazer, complete with custom Navy blue pinstripes, he purchased from my uncle.

Since then, my friend Elly once allowed me to spin her car around in a K-Mart parking lot, but other than that, sans the Eliminator, my uncoordinated self has stuck to automatic transmissions.

Random Resources

Mechanical Stuff:

How Stuff Works: Manual Transmission
How Motorcycles Work

Mental Stuff:

When People Are Big and God is Small

This Psalm is one of my favorites. I go back to it often and apply it to many situations and aspects of life.

Today, I am thinking especially of verse 16, as two family friends are struggling to live and as there is an online friend whose sister in Brazil just caught a potentially fatal virus from a mosquito bite and is not doing well.

How comforting it is to remember, especially when those whom we love are ill, that it is the Lord who determines the length of one’s days and not the doctors.

Something to think about - how does remembering this affect the way that we respond when someone is ill? Personally? To the person whom is sick? To those whom we are comforting?

Psalm 139

1O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
3You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
9If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
12Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day
Darkness and light are alike to You.
13For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
17How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.
19O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
24And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

My father once told me that people are like pendulums. If they are even-keeled, they will swing a little to the left and a little to the right. They more passionate and exuberant they “swing”, the pendulum swings back equally as angry/depressed.

My daughter is a perfect example of the latter. She is way hyper-cheerful OR dramatically crying into her pillow or making death threats towards her brothers.

This afternoon, out of the blue, Tab was a WRECK. She was crying because she no longer liked the black-lace overlay on her bright pink “princess” (fancy Easter dress way on sale, couldn’t pass it up for dress up!) dress. In the middle of talking about that, she said she was hungry. She was ANGRY (stomping, yelling) because I ate the last piece of spaghetti pie (in all fairness, we split it for lunch and she ate the larger of the portions). So, I prepared a glass of chocolate milk for her. Still mad that I had eaten what was my lunch, she pouted, cried and refused to say “thank you”. I gently talked to her about having anger and discontentment in her heart. (She does understand these things… little twerp constantly points out these characteristics when she sees them in others… and then we talk about grace, mercy and overlooking!) She agreed but would not confess them to God.

I sent her to her room for a nap and prayed that the Holy Spirit would work in her heart.

She did not sleep, but she went from sobbing (and not getting attention for it) to contemplating.

Thirty minutes later, she came down a new little girl and said she was ready to talk to God. We prayed and she readily sought the Lord’s forgiveness. She asked for the milk, and said thank you. A free Highlights Hidden Picture puzzle with stickers came in the mail today. I let her do that for fun.

To avoid exasperating her, and creating a situation where she is overwhelmed and tempted to sin, I do try to keep her fed (she is strong, and sturdily built), hydrated and rested the best I can. I try to avoid exasperating her with school work, as she is five years old and does 2nd grade work - very bright! This is not to say that I walk on eggshells with her, it’s just that she tends to be more sensitive to physical discomfort than some of my other children.

I do think I handled it okay today (goal of seeking forgiveness and changed attitude was achieved), but I’m wondering if there are specific things I can do to more head off such mood attacks before they get out of hand?

Any particular soothing or thought provoking phrases that would diffuse a tense situation?

Any encouragement for me from moms who have been through this? Particularly, how to keep the trust/confidence/friendship as a little girl with this personality hits adolescence?

And yes, I do believe in using the rod as outlined in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.

Thank you for taking the time to respond!!

If I can ever be of encouragement to you, please let me know!

Much love,
SJA

This is from The Homeschool Lounge:

Some of you may have some experience with this, and (while that hurts me to think you’ve lived with it) I need a little help from those who have had some real success!

For those who have had a child who could fire up and respond in anger quickly, I’d love to know more about some of the Godly responses and tools that helped you through it.

Please consider this is a boy about the age of 7. He can become easily frustrated, and it builds rapidly. Sometimes we don’t see it coming, and even when we do, I often say or do the wrong thing.

Help?

Thanks in advance!

Hugs to you, Jennifer!

After experiencing similar anger/tattling/conflict/fighting problems, I decided to incorporate The Young Peacemaker into our day by doing a page or two each morning for our devotional segment of school.

Studying the topic of peacemaking preemptively, instead of only talking about it when there is an anger outburst, has made a huge difference in the atmosphere of our home by reducing the number of kid-conflicts. Reducing, not erasing! We still have at few each day! But, because the foundation has been laid, they are easier to work through than before.

My seven, five, four, and three year old are doing a fantastic job of memorizing the verses for each chapter (we do about a chapter a week).

If you put good things in your heart, good things will come out of your heart. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

There is even a resource page dedicated to using The Young Peacemaker as part of homeschooling.

I hope this helps. I certainly have learned a lot from doing The Young Peacemaker with my kids - and I’m a moderator at PeaceGals.com! It certainly gave me a new perspective when training my children vs. talking to adults about the same topic!

Much love,
SJA

The Young Peacemaker is a powerful system that parents and teachers can use to teach children how to prevent and resolve conflict in a constructive and biblically faithful manner.

The system emphasizes principles of confession, forgiveness, communication, and character development, and uses realistic stories, practical applications, role plays, and stimulating activities.

Although the material is designed for 3rd through 7th grades, it has been successfully used with preschool and high school students.

The lessons in The Young Peacemaker may be summarized in Twelve Key Principles for Young Peacemakers:

1. Conflict is a slippery slope.
2. Conflict starts in the heart.
3. Choices have consequences.
4. Wise-way choices are better than my-way choices.
5. The blame game makes conflict worse.
6. Conflict is an opportunity.
7. The Five A’s can resolve conflict.
8. Forgiveness is a choice.
9. It is never too late to start doing what’s right.
10. Think before you speak.
11. Respectful communication is more likely to be heard.
12. A respectful appeal can prevent conflict.

The Slippery Slope

The Young Peacemaker uses a simplified version of the Slippery Slope to help children understand the various responses to conflict.

The slope is divided into three zones:

The Five A’s of Confession

Children, like adults, can learn to confess their wrongs in a way that demonstrates that they are taking full responsibility for their contribution to a conflict.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Children can learn to forgive one another in a way that models the forgiveness they have received from God through the gospel of Jesus Christ:

These promises may be summarized in a poem that is so easy a four-year old can memorize it:

After reading today’s devo, seeing a police officer in my rearview (hopefully not too often!) will undoubtedly bring this verse to mind.

Enjoy and be encouraged.

Much love,
SJA

2008/03/07

Perfect Love Drives Out Fear
by Jon Walker

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:18-19 HCSB)

*** *** *** ***
There you are, driving to the grocery store. You’re under the speed limit and following all the traffic laws, but then you notice a police car in your rearview mirror.

The policeman isn’t flashing his lights; he’s not pursuing you; in a sense he’s just like any other driver who might be following behind you down the road.

But he’s not just any driver. He’s a police officer, and so you tense up. You start thinking: Am I going too fast? Am I wearing my seatbelt? Did I signal properly when I changed lanes?

And then there’s the fear you’ll make a mistake right in front of the policeman. Now, the reality is that you’ve done nothing wrong, but the fear is there because no one is a perfect driver. He could pull you over for a variety of minor violations.

When fear enters any situation, we become defensive and less trusting. We focus on fairness and on protecting our rights. Consider what happens when someone brings fear into your environment – perhaps a fellow employee, perhaps a boss, maybe a family member or a friend. Their fear shows up as criticism, defensiveness, or manipulation, and it soon infects nearly everyone, pushing them toward self-protection – toward reactive decisions instead of thoughtful responses.

On the other hand, the environment also can change when someone shows up with an outpouring of God’s love. Love shows up as encouragement, as positive interactions. Because criticism is constructive, it is easier to receive. You know you are loved, so you know your mistakes and imperfections will not lead to your being rejected or labeled a loser. You’re less concerned about fairness because you know this loving person is looking out for your best interests, and as the environment becomes drenched in love, you begin to understand that everyone is looking out for your best interests.

The more you trust, the less you fear, and eventually this pure love – you might say perfect love – drives out your fears. This is the essence of the John’s words: “There is no fear in love ….” (1 John 4:18 HCSB)

We are forgiven. We are loved by God, and we can rest in that truth. We can allow that truth to spread from our hearts to our hands, in service. Knowing that God is always loving us gives us the trust, the confidence, the faith to believe that God is working all things out for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) We can approach God’s throne of grace boldly. (Hebrews 4:16)

Here is what I believe John is teaching: If you walk in fear, you’re trying to control life, rather than trusting in God’s love and letting him control you. Look through your fear and focus on God instead.

The thing is, if you have fear, you may be the person who brings fear into the room. Because you are less trusting, because you fear doing wrong, you may spark the fire of fear. If you fear others will take advantage, you will work to gain your own advantage.

John says, “The one who fears has not reached perfection in love.” But perfection in love doesn’t start with us – we can’t work ourselves up to perfect love. Perfect love starts with God: “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19 HCSB) As we seek to be spiritually mature, it is God’s love that drives the fear from us. Then it is his love within us – when we trust his love for us – that moves us to love others.

What does this mean?

* Give God your fears – When you fear, tell God about your them. In other words, don’t nurse your fears or use them to justify fear-driven actions. Instead, go to God with your fears. Ask him to show you the root of your fears, and then ask him to work within you to remove the whole fear-tree – roots and all. (”I believe; help my unbelief.”)

* Let God develop perfect love in you – Accept and respond to God’s perfect love for you. How would your life change if you were no longer controlled or motivated by your fears? Ask God to fill you with his love and to love other through you. (”I can’t; God can.”)

* Pray for those who fear – When you see someone showing their fear through defensiveness, control, manipulation, gossip, or other such behaviors, pray for them. Pray they will allow God to drive away their fears, that they will receive and accept the perfect love of God, and, with that love within them, that they will begin to act in faith and not fear.

* Pray for our police officers – Lest anyone misunderstand my illustration about a policeman in the rearview mirror, these men and woman put their lives on the line constantly in order to protect and serve us. They are ministers of God, in that they maintain the peace. Pray for them and their protection, that they will be drenched with the perfect love of God.

From a forum at the Homeschool Lounge:

Q. “I was just wondering how everyones kids make friends? I am a hsing mom of 5 and I know that it has not been easy for my children to make new friends at all. We live around a ton of kids but, they are not exactly the type that I want my children to befriend. I would love to hear how everyone elses children are doing on this. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.”

The best way to make friends is to be friendly!

This means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and inviting families into your home.

Your children will get to know the guest family’s children while you get to know the parents at the same time.

Inviting people into your life takes a lot of faith - trusting in God that even if people fail you (cuz they will!) that the Lord will comfort you, sustain you, and that you can work through broken relationships for God’s glory.

A safe way to get your feet wet in fellowship ministry is to start by inviting families over from church. You don’t have to make a gourmet meal - a large pot of spaghetti goes a long way, and you can allow the guest family to bless your family by having them bring dinner rolls or a salad. Jello with a dollop of whipped cream is an easy, tasty dessert. Think of ways to be a blessing to your guests whether they be adults or children.

From there, invite over neighbors, people from your husband’s work, people in homeschool groups… the list goes on.

It is through fellowship with others than lasting relationships are developed.

Sure, you might get to know people without inviting them into your home - but there will always be a wall there.

Face to Face: Meditations on Friendship and Hospitality by Steve Wilkins is a good resource for thoughts on developing deep, God honoring friendships.

Much love,
SJA

Someone else responded to my post and included the line, “Playlands and parks are not permanent places to meet friends, just someone to play with at that moment.”

So I replied:

I am somewhat concerned, but at the same time we are to be the like the salt of the earth.

God closed all of the doors when we bought our house, except for the one that forced us to move to the city.

And guess what I found out? God lives in the city, too!!

Do you know what we do with our unruly neighborhood kids? We love them, invite them into our homes (and we do a “pocket check” when it’s time for them to go home) and we feed them lunch or snacks if the clock dictates so. Sometimes we send clothes home with them, when we notice that they have worn the same thing for a week straight.

Do you know else we do with them? Bring them to church with us to Pioneer Clubs! I also hosted a summer vacation Bible school (we did Peacemaker Clubs) last year with two other Christian moms in my neighborhood. We set out a lovely breakfast spread to encourage unchurched moms to stay and listen — and they DID! Not only did they hear the gospel, they also learned about behavior and conflict resolution. It CHANGED the way our neighbor kids - and we have a tough bunch! - related to each other, for God’s glory.

BTW, do you know where I met my Christian husband? At a bowling alley. God is there, and he’s also in neighborhood parks.

Ladies, I would like to challenge you to re-think why you choose to isolate yourselves from others and why you would say things like “I would never”. I really believe that you are choosing to miss out on opportunities to share God’s love with others.

Why wouldn’t you want to make permanent friends with people at a park? People at your neighborhood park are just that - neighbors. What does it mean to “love your neighbor as yourself” ? You can’t love someone unless you have a relationship with them.

May I also suggest that if you let non-Christian children into your home that you are RIGHT THERE to supervise the situation. As the lady of the house, you have the authority to send swearing, fighting boys home if you need to.

I have, at 9 months pregnant, stepped in (hey, I believe God is control and that no one will harm me without God’s authority - I cannot say the Bible is true in this respect and still live in fear!) and broke up a fist fight between neighborhood boys in my living room. It’s not like I could just sit there and cry! I had to DO something! Because I have been strict with them while they are in my house, I firmly told them they will stop and seek each other’s forgiveness - that they were sinning against each other and against God. Do you know what these tough little boys did? They obeyed me. And, they played very nicely after that. They knew that if they didn’t, that they’d get sent right home - a place they didn’t want to go because they are not loved there.

If you don’t like the kids in your neighborhood, PRAY for them fervently. Submit yourself to the Lord and beg him to bring you opportunities to share the gospel with them. Ask Him to work in the hearts of the little ones that He has put right under your nose.

Luke 18:16-17 But Jesus called for them, saying, “Permit the children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.”

Much love,
SJA